Weekly Blog #1: Response to "Lies We Tell Kids"

Reading this article by Paul Graham made me feel really conflicted.

Part of me got really angry as I started to realize how often young people get lied to and how dumb those lies can be. Some of the reasons that Graham proposed about why adults feel like they need to lie also seemed pretty stupid to me. I'm not saying that he isn't right; I'm just saying that I think it's sad that some of those reasons are seriously the best justification people can come up with for lying. On the other hand, I can also understand a parent wanting to protect his or her child. Right now it's easy for me to say that I would never lie to my kid because I don't actually have one--I don't know what it feels like to be responsible for and have to worry about another human's life. Still, (and this may just be the resentful, rebellious teenager inside of me who thinks she knows how to run the world talking) I think that there are better options out there than lying to children.

One of these options is obvious: just tell the truth. I'm guessing that it's really not as hard to do as people think, especially considering that a good number of lies are told simply because adults don't want to take the time to explain things or because they don't want to admit that they can't explain things. Impatience and hubris--two qualities that I don't think any parent wants his/her child to have. So then why do parents model these characteristics by lying? Kids are inevitably going to find out when they've been lied to, and, in addition to being a little cheesed-off about it, they're going to think that it's okay for them to lie too when they feel annoyed or prideful. Kids learn by example (observational learning! Thank you, Albert Bandura. Anyone interested? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdh7MngntnI )--If adults set a bad example, they shouldn't expect anything better from kids.

Another option, perhaps one that would be best considered in situations in which telling the truth would be a little much even for an adult, would be for parents to tell their children that they will answer the question later, when the time is right. Take a cue from Mrs. Potts, mom and dad, and say to your Chip, "I'll tell you when you're older, dear," when asked about a touchy subject. (That was a Beauty and the Beast reference, if you were wondering.) If parents could sit down with their kids and explain to them that the thing they asked about is really serious and should be discussed at a different time, their kids would probably feel a lot better than they would if they found out later that they'd been lied to. And, really, have parents met their children? Do they not notice that most kids have an attention span of about a minute? Because they do. . .Moral of the story: postpone the truth if need be, but don't be afraid or too lazy to tell it. Honestly. . .