I know that I'm afraid of a lot of things--I think just about anyone who knows me can vouch for my panicked behavior in response to a small fear being realized--but if someone (like. . .oh, I don't know, Mr. Kunkle?) were to ask me to explain the really serious ones, I'd have a lot of trouble.
My phobias aren't typical. I mean, I don't like spiders, but I don't have arachnophobia. I don't like heights, but I don't have acrophobia. I don't like sharks, being evaluated negatively in social situations, or Abercrombie & Fitch, but I don't have phobias of them. My fears just aren't like that. I suppose if I were to try to scientifically name the thing(s) I'm scared of, doing so would result in some strange combination of atychiphobia (fear of failure) and gerascophobia (fear of growing old). More plainly put, I would describe my phobia as a fear of running out of time to do things right.
I hate making mistakes. I know that making them is a part of life, but it really kills me when I err on something simple or mess up something that everyone else did right. What's more, I hate when I don't get a chance to correct or mitigate my mistakes. Whether it be that I don't have the time (just like I'm about to run out of time to finish this blog. . .crap!) or that I'm not even given the chance, it really shakes me up when I don't get to right my wrongs or do something that is three times as good as whatever I messed up was bad. It's hard for me to explain, and I'm betting it's even harder for others to understand, but it's just how I function.
Also, I'm really not partial to idea of having surgery. Ever. I mean, I probably would if need be, but I have this. . .well. . .FEAR of "anesthetic awareness" (meaning that I would find myself awake and aware, but paralyzed, during the surgery). This fear elicits more of a shudder-worthy kind of feeling whereas the first just makes my heart ache.
Still, the idea of either becoming prevalent in my life sort of makes me want to throw up. . .
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I never really thought about the fact that you could be awake during surgery and feel everything that was happening but be paralyzed and not able to let anyone know. That is really a horrifying thought and it just gave me goosebumps!
ReplyDeleteYou just told me today that you were afraid of motor vehicles, which is why you walk home everyday. You should add that to your blog
ReplyDeleteThanks for teaching me the names of some of those phobias. I think I only knew the arachnophobia one.
ReplyDeleteOh, and when it comes to hating on being deprived of correcting your mistakes, all I have to say is it's part of life. But hey, even life can stink every now and then.
I have noticed that you are afraid of making mistakes, and I think it's interesting that you are not afraid of much else than this but that's cool.
ReplyDeleteNice post, Ali. I like the casual, conversational tone you employ.
ReplyDeleteI like how you described things you don't like, and explained how you felt about them, instead of just calling them fears. It was good to have the destinction between not liking something and having a phobia of it. And I know what you mean about making mistakes--that really bugs me too!
ReplyDeletehahahaha! ali this was super funny. I actually laughed out loud when you wrote about a fear for abercrombie and fitch. I've realized you have a fear of this by watching your reactions to things in AP COMP...not to sound creepy or anything...but thats okay to be a perfectionist (: you are an amazing writer!
ReplyDelete